Something Heavenly

"Do you remember that old TV series, Get Smart? You remember at the beginning where Maxwell Smart is walking down the secret corridor and there are all of those doors that open sideways, and upside down and gateways and stuff? I think everybody keeps a whole bunch of doors just like this between themselves and the world. But when you're in love, all of your doors are open, and all of their doors are open. And you roller-skate down your halls together.
The two of you start talking about your feelings and your feelings float outside of you like vapors, and they mix together like a fog. Before you realize it, the two of you have become the same mist and you realize you can never treturn to being just a lone cloud again, because the isolation would be intolerable."

I love Douglas Coupland

Really loved this...I forgot who I saw it off of
but it was like, maybe a year ago I saw it

Friends....the most important aspect of anyone.
But what IS a friend?
Someone who talks to you when you're lonely?
someone who says "I'll always be there for you", even when they aren't?

Sometimes, I think over my "friendships". 
See who really is a true friend.
Whose there for me all the time, and whose always cheering me up.
There's practically no one at all.
This blog is only for you, my true friends.
Not to say that the others aren't my friends, but it seems to be in title only.

You are the ones that are always there for me.
To cheer me up when I'm down.
To bring a smile to my face whenever I'm in a bad mood. 
The others....they just seem to call me their friend, but don't show any form of affection.
I talk to them, I listen to them....but they don't seem to do the same for me.

Some of those "friends" have even told me they don't like talking to me.
That I'm annoying, boring, extremely awkward to be with.
But not you guys. You guys stay with me even with all my faults.
That's why I've sent this to all of you
Because I can trust you all to take this, and know how I actually feel about things I don't like to show, and also not to spread this around.
Because you guys understand me and would know what I mean when I type these things.

To be honest...I'm sick and tired of having to wear a fake smile to all my "friends". 
I look happy..but inside, I know they a lot of them don't really like conversing with me.
They may not say it in their words, but in their eyes and actions, you can just tell.
Yet...week in and week out, I keep that mask on.
People know me as the "happy-go-lucky person that's always willing to help out without a fuss".
But they don't know the other side of me behind that mask.
The one I hide from them, otherwise they feel terrible when I show that I am in a horrid mood.
That's why I decided to come back to Xanga, and to quit things like Facebook.
Hah...Facebook, the place where any person you've ever met could just add you and call you a friend.
Such a weird thing to do, right?
You talk to them for 5 minutes, then as soon as you get home, you see a "friend request" by that person.
Such a weird thing to do....fake friends....thats a laugh.